Blog Archives

a dark quiet room, with tea.

The young mother

except she’s on a metro bus and she’s exhausted, terrified, and broke

In the early days of my young motherhood, when my marriage was falling apart and life was an unending cycle of wailing and washing and vomit and sleepless nights, I used to dream of a special room for mothers.  In that room, time would stop.  There would be endless, quiet hours of darkness and unending cups of warm tea.  In that room I would rock, and rest, and recharge against the chaotic and ceaseless cycle of my life.

I was so taken with this image that one night, sitting around a sacred fire with a squealing baby on my lap, I shared it.  No sooner had I spoken than a young woman I’d never met before burst out: “I know that place!”  She quickly blushed and silenced herself, but after the fire she approached me and she told me of a Korean spa she’d discovered, a place that for a small entrance fee entitled one to soak in warm mugwort baths and sweat in a salt sauna and sip endless barley tea and nap on a warmed jade floor.  We set a date, I cashed in numerous babysitting favors, and when the day came I found myself in motherhood mecca.

I had never been to a spa before (I had walked past buildings labeled  ‘day spa’, but they were so far out of my realm of experience that I vaguely thought they might have something to do with eyebrows.)  My new friend led me into a steaming room filled with laughing naked women. I spent six hours sweating and soaking and scrubbing and sleeping on the jade floor and writing in my journal, and my life was changed forever. Continue reading

7 Comments

March 14, 2013 · 2:27 am

Women’s Joy Circle: Living an Authentic Life

margot

Sculpture from the Peaceful Warrior collection by Margot Robinson

Last night’s joy circle was graced by Margot Robinson, a sculptor, artist, author, public speaking coach, and ecstatic dancer who came to share the wisdom she’s learned along the way.  We opened with a round of brags: one of us bragged that she had finally finished her grueling separation paperwork, another that she had managed a heartbreakingly difficult week without running away or collapsing. One of us had an incredible business opportunity land in her lap after following the lead of her heart, and one had designed an academic major that brought her personal passions into line with her academic work.

It is wonderful to sit in that circle and be reminded of the daily bravery this life takes, to take a moment and appreciate how sincerely we take this business of living, even when it gets painfully hard. One woman shared  gratitude for her cloud of witnesses, remarking that many in her support system are women who had “been made stronger than they should have to be” and how well that strength, born of struggle, had served her in her own difficult times.

After rose petal chai and sprouted-flour banana muffins we congregated again by candlelight to hear what Margot had to say. She first asked: “if you had one question to ask someone wise in the ways of life, what would it be?”  The circle responded:

“How do you care for yourself in the face of the press of daily obligations?”

“How do you get past the fear?” Continue reading

6 Comments

March 12, 2013 · 1:51 pm

languages

IMG_3243

the space art takes when
two minds endeavor to
communicate—

the purpose of laughter
a textured voice like
degrees of warmth in sunlight

why language at all?

also try:
outlined eyes
perfume
stepped heels
a soft hand on the arm
jewels
gold

lift of wind
linen on skin
count of syllables
spoken
or told

absorbed?
reflected?

birdsong.
a memory twists sentences in passing.
a note blown on the floor.

2 Comments

March 11, 2013 · 2:10 pm

Impetigo and Vulnerability

An Ikea garlic press, with pressed garlic.

My four-year-old son has transformed overnight from flaxen-haired charmer to disease vector. It’s not pretty. For those of you lucky ones who do not know (oh, I was in your happy ranks but yesterday!) impetigo is a bacterial skin infection, highly contagious and common in the preschool set, that generally presents as weepy, crusted sores around the mouth and nose.

The typical treatment of impetigo is antibiotic ointment, followed by a cycle of oral antibiotics if the ointment doesn’t work. This is where we run into trouble.

I don’t like antibiotics. Bio is life, right? Bio is the good guys! I’m PRO Bio, I’m pretty sure, not anti. Continue reading

3 Comments

March 10, 2013 · 4:06 am

when it’s all torn open

Sorrow

There are days when the magic is flowing, pleasure is abundant, good work comes easily, and all is right with the world.

But for all of us, there are times when the beauty of life seems to flee and we are swallowed up in deep, defeating pain.  Sometimes the pain seems insurmountable and all-encompassing, the weight of getting through it too heavy to bear.  We may have lost a partner, or a job, or a child, or done something that feels unforgivable; sometimes there is no apparent reason and the pain just rises up to consume us.

I wrote earlier about waltzing with medusa, but to be honest sometimes it is less of a waltz and more of an eviscerating body-slam.  You can take St. John’s Wort, sure, or soak in a valerian bath, or better yet take a long walk somewhere beautiful.  But this kind of pain is not something that can ever be fully addressed with external remedies.  This pain comes from inside. It comes from the core of who you are, and if it is to be healed, it will be healed from the inside.

How? Lying there with your heart clawed out, unable to move or think, how can you possibly begin to heal? Continue reading

11 Comments

March 8, 2013 · 2:29 pm

on time

English: The white-lipped snail (Cepaea horten...

I have noticed a disturbing tendency in myself lately.  I am “moving through” things.  You know what I mean, right?  You’re reading a book to your kid and flipping over two pages at a time hoping they won’t notice, because it’s a repetitive f-ing book anyway and you’ve got things to do.  You’re eating yogurt while standing up and simultaneously reading because it takes too long to stirfry burdock and wild greens. You’re internally rolling your eyes when your child takes up an interest in quilting, because oh my god, are you kidding? Do you have any idea WHAT A TIME-CONSUMING PROJECT THAT IS?

But, at the same time, you have no idea what you’re cutting all of these corners for.  At the end of the day you’re just napping, or reading, or checking facebook.  What was the point of all the hurrying? And wait just a second, isn’t it freaking AWESOME that my eight-year-old wants to QUILT?  What happened to me?  Because I say “you”, but I mean “me”.  Me, the one who used to live in a hut made of twigs I’d built myself heated by a lard-can-stove I’d made myself, writing my college papers on a manual typewriter because I didn’t have electricity, eating groundnuts I’d painstakingly dug and sipping tea made with water tapped from trees because I didn’t trust the cleanliness of the stream.  Now I somehow don’t have time to read the even-numbered  pages of Green Eggs and Ham?

Continue reading

7 Comments

March 6, 2013 · 3:40 am

the beauty all around us

Snowflake

I used to dislike guided meditation.  Why? Because at the end of it, everyone else would have these amazing stories of the powerful beings they encountered, the deep wisdom they received, the texture and sight and sound they dove into like cool water.  And there I’d be, having seen only the pink backs of my eyelids and the essential oils I needed to order for next week.

But one morning, in the sweet space of a woman’s circle led by Honeybee Henderson, I was invited into a guided meditation that was very different.  Perhaps I had grown more open, or perhaps I felt safe with these women. Whatever the cause, I found myself in a forest of thick-trunked trees, dappled with sunlight and deep shadow. Continue reading

9 Comments

March 5, 2013 · 3:35 am

Women’s Joy Circle: Celebrating Beauty

Henna design at 36 hours

self-decoration with henna

Every Monday, the Greensboro Women’s Joy Circle meets to share stories, sip tea, brag, write, stretch, dance, and meditate…every week it is a different constellation of women, and every week we explore a new theme as we continue to build daring, joyful lives.  On Tuesdays, I share what we’ve learned with you.

Okay, disclaimer:  the women’s joy circle didn’t actually meet this week.  My wonderfully intelligent body kicked the crap out of me because I had decided to take a trip that my spirit, mind, and intuition were all warning me against.  (“Just try to go NOW” purred my body from its supine position, too feverish to allow me even to pick up the phone and cancel my airplane ticket.)  There is a treatment when sickness has progressed this far: it is called SHUT UP AND LISTEN.  As in, put your echinacea tincture down, girl, get some sleep, and next time your intuition kicks in PAY ATTENTION.  All right, all right.  Sheesh.  Anyway, what follows is a description of a women’s circle from last month.

We congregated to celebrate beauty.  We stood in that circle and took each others’ hands and looked in each others’ eyes and decided that we would make our own definitions of beauty that night; that we would love and celebrate and affirm what we saw.  And then I passed out bellydance scarves and put on this song and we were off.  We practiced hip circles, and rib circles; we learned to flutter our bellies and shimmy like fiends.  Some of us had never bellydanced before.  It didn’t matter.  This is a female dance form, sinuous and cyclical.  It comes pretty naturally and feels wonderful.  It is felt beauty, moving like this, letting the body spiral and shake, and laughter bubbled out naturally from all of us.

Bodies warm and loved, hearts full, we sat on the floor and I brought out my little bags of prepared hennaContinue reading

4 Comments

March 5, 2013 · 3:11 am

waltzing with Medusa

Medusa by Arnold Böcklin, circa 1878

Medusa by Arnold Böcklin, circa 1878 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have tried to be “good” my whole life.  I was voted Most Likely To Levitate in my high school yearbook (seriously.) I wed a spiritual teacher/petty tyrant and meditated every day and grew organic vegetables and ate a vegan diet and picked up trash and marched and voted. And there came a day when I could no longer get up in the morning.  Continue reading

10 Comments

March 3, 2013 · 5:28 pm

pleasure IS productive.

hammock

getting it done.

Long ago, or maybe this morning, someone laughed at your idea and told you it was unrealistic.  Someone told you that enjoying yourself was lazy, or selfish, or disgusting.  Someone asked you who do you think you are to do that? Someone criticized your work, your appearance, your efforts.  Someone told you that you weren’t talented enough, or rich enough, or young enough, or old enough, or strong enough, or smart enough.  Someone said leave that to the experts.  Someone hit you, or pushed you, or locked the door between you and what you wanted. And that HURT.

When that happened, a part of you took note.  And that brave, protective part decided NEVER to let you get hurt again.  Now, that part notices every time you make yourself vulnerable—every time you stick your neck out, venture a new opinion, decide to play larger, start something new—and it shuts you down.  Because if YOU demean, belittle, and constrain yourself, no one else will have the chance to do it for you. And you will be safe.  Miserable and muzzled, yes, but safe. Continue reading

5 Comments

February 28, 2013 · 3:11 pm